The dust settles in my mind

I am falling in and out of what we used to be. This change is permanent you see, who knew we could be this way, together yet separate. Like a bird singing softly as it perches outside my window. But wait...I am dancing in the kitchen late at night secretly so no one can see me. I am free in a way I could never have been before. You are calling me, calling me, calling me, calling me and I don't answer. I pretend I can't hear you anymore like when I was 5 and lied to the hearing specialists because I wanted it to be my secret. I used to pretend I couldn't hear them when secretly I had gone into my own world. My body remained on the earth but I, the real me was somewhere else. Always somewhere else. somewhere safe where only you and me can be. We are whispering which is my favourite thing to do and hiding out underneath the bed. 

We are choosing all the things we want. We don't have to do what they say any more, no more following the rules and pretending. I was always pretending to be real but was never really there. I am holding your hand and can smell the sea air. I love certain smells, like the smell after it rains on a summers evening it brings me back to you. I am always running back to you or is it me? We are the same but somehow not the same. Contradictions are what we have always known. I am going back to the dusky road where we met in a truck going nowhere on a late summer evening years before. It was so hot but we didn't mind the breeze and the laughter kept us sane.  I will wait for you there to see if once more we can begin again as though it was the first time. I call your name and then I wake up. Dreams bring us back together but I know you are no longer here anymore but I can always find you in my dreams. You are safe in there until I return again.