The dust settles in my mind

I am here and nowhere to be found. Everywhere and no where. These contractions are what follow us around like a shadow we don't want to see so we keep looking the other way. You are on the side of her and I can't face you anymore. My voice can not be heard. I am invisible. My face is glowing these days. I am reaching out to the ones who know the truth. These days are saving me like the patterns I used to trace along your face. I can no longer remember the way you were before. The loneliness doesn't knock at my door any longer and joy fills my heart. These days treat me well. In a way that no one believed was possible. I always believed and held out hope it would come. This ones for me.

My head is an animal. Hiding all the scars. Layers upon layers. There are so many. Necessary some would say others would beg to differ. I growl, bark, shout and scream. But you can't hear me anymore. A silent scream covers the pain. But its there loud and clear and its getting worse. My head is an animal and you are holding it tightly in all the right places. Loosen your grip i'm slipping away from you. My head is an animal and I want for you to be free. My hands are reaching out but I just can't seem to find you. My head is an animal and I am free.

Starting over in an attempt to find you again. The loneliness takes cover. My ears are ringing again and I can't hear you anymore. I am out at sea and nothing is reaching me. I have to remain strong and make my way back to you. I will overcome these things that hold me back and return new and fresh in a way I think you will like. I know you have stopped thinking of me often, this saddens my heart more than most.  I can feel it in my bones that you no longer look at me in the same way. The way you are facing seems to be coming up against everything I thought would keep us together. I am holding on for one last time. Kiss me under the covers and lets hide like we used to do. I will hide your name and pretend we are not who we are supposed to be. This is music to my ears. I will catch you when you fall and be waiting for you always at the bottom or is it top? Come back to me and whisper our secret code or send it across the sea. The boats has stopped coming and turned to face someone