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Showing posts from 2019

Will you whisper into the darkness or skirt around it?

There is something I am saying in ways they don't understand. It is that feeling you know deep down is right. Will you whisper into the darkness or skirt around it? Denying these things makes them scream louder and louder. I am sure of it in more ways than one. You are hiding again and burying it all deep underground. The moon shines brightly and can see through everything. My thoughts drift away into the night and dawn is fast approaching us. I no longer feel like death is creeping up on us. I am swimming in my thoughts and sailing through the memories. I keep them loosely folded. This is not what it seems. You are never what you seem. I am appearing in all the places I have been before but not really noticed before. I am noticing you and everything is leaning towards the truth. The honesty and openness of it all it what I like most. I said goodbye to the old me and welcomed all that is new and all that is wanted and sacred.

Words fail us in moments we need them most

We are on our way. Call me by my name. Secrets land on top of wishes and I hold your hand. It is right before the best before date and I say nothing. Words fails us in the moments we need them most. You are distant as usual and its feels a bit like death. The darkness clouds our view and I am far away from where you are yet we are sat side by side. This how it will always be, we can continue or make a new choice. I am always needing to be real. Its not even a choice my body will not allow it any other way. We were made differently and that's okay. I am reaching out to those with hearts of gold. Its a feeling I cant quite describe it feels a lot like bliss and nothing like the others. This is what secrets are made of they find me in my dreams. I will meet you there and we will smile as how simple things need to be without the need for making it any other way. I will make a wish and make a dream of all the things that we know are true for us and everyone else that understands this wa

You are always on the other side

I am here waiting and waiting. The timing seems to be working on our side. There is never a dull moment and I am sure you are believing in the things that appear unreal like that clock that we watch everyday, it stopped years ago but we sit and wait. Your face is looking a little different these days. Time is a funny thing, it is like wearing your best clothes and having no one to wear them for. Why do we wait until the things have turned bitter in order to be real? The realness is everything I am yearning for yet wait until the time is right. I am wearing all my best clothes now. The tap has stop dripping and the noise in the distant is getting fainter as each moment is passing us by. I see the things that others don't notice and we laugh at the same things. Our minds are drifting off to sleep and resting ready for the big one to come along. I know it is true for you and not for them. The light is getting brighter for us. Letting it all go is when it all begins. You are always on

I have a voice that comes from everywhere but my mouth

I have a voice that comes from everywhere but my mouth. Its calling out to every other place in a last attempt in order to be heard. It is the way things needed to be, to keep things safe in a way that makes sense to those that pay close attention. The leaves have started to fall in my garden and I can’t hear you any more. There is something in the distance but it doesn’t bother me much now. I know I am safe once I step outside. Who will hear you when you scream?

Becoming less the more I look at it

We are standing on top of a star, wishing things in to existence for all that we know it to be true. I am holding on lightly in order not to grasp too tightly the way I have in the past. The block is there and is becoming less the more I look at it. There is a large circle in front of me, underneath is where the magic begins. You are always there supporting the best to emerge. In a sense we are free to see whatever we want to see. Your hand reaches out for mine and I know it is happening just they way it is meant to. Go for things that bring you joy and the rest will follow. There are things we are yet to say but I tell you every night in my dreams. We shall meet again there and we will hear all the things we have always wanted

This is all that is needed

This is all that is needed. It is clear to me and to you that we are both on the same side. I hold your hand and send a wish that reaches across to the other side. The leaves are holding it all in place in a way that feels right. It is everything we wish it to be. And we hold on softly and gently enough to allow those around us to join. Opening one door allows so many more to follow after. I am following the steps and you have your own path. But we are facing the same way and all things are golden like in the olden days. I wear a crown to see if I feel any different and know that is all on the inside any way. I have everything I need, how will it all manifest? I’m excited to see and we laugh knowing we both are in this together

The moment in between sleep and waking

The same sentence repeats itself in the moments in between sleep and waking. It is heard by us all. If you are still enough you can hear me, I am in the shadows again, alone and walking barefoot in the sand. You are there holding my hand in our dreams. I like the way it feels in the blissful time where time stands still and speeds up all the same. I am falling ever so deeply and you can tell but we don't say a thing. We just have that look and that means everything, no one else knows, this is what is feels like to finally understand. Everyone else is rushing around the place, breaking things as they pass, they don't have time to stop and listen. Time has stood still and we are facing the same direction side by side, I whisper in your ear and you smile and laugh and time continues.

We are the always on the right side of good

There is a gap in between the sheets of everything we had said and not said. I am following it with my fingers tracing the shapes of a future lives. We are always on the right side of good. It is that repetitive good good that I like. I am liking you in all ways. It makes my heart sing to know that the trees have started to grow again and she is on her way to us. The castle is green and covered in leaves that have fallen just in one specific place as though it was meant that way. The building grows around us and emerges just like in our dreams. I am whispering because I like it. I'm hearing all your secrets and you are happily sharing them whilst I take photos of everything that surrounds us. The breeze is gentle and calm and we are way beyond all the hype. I am singing and making shapes again, you are there just around the corner smiling. We are sovereign, my heart is light and the water is under the bridge.

Circles follow us and are here with me now

I'm holding on with my little finger in a last ditch attempt to see if it fits. Some things are necessary to let go, refresh and start again. The plants are in every inch of our house now and its important to me somehow to acknowledge how things have changed. A sense of peace washes over us each time we see the truth. Its always there if we take the time to look for it. My eyes are seeing things as though for the first time again and I thank you in my dreams. My heart is always there waiting for you patiently. When you are ready you take a last glance and jump right in. I can't help smiling as you are looking my way again and we sink deeper into the truth that is all around us. I'm falling and so are you. Circles follow us and are here with me now.

The coat hanger is the last one left

Things are wasted if we let them go by without learning the lesson we have been waiting years to learn. You have found this out the hard way and I feel for you. I hold your hand in the way only we know how. It only works one way. I like this about you and few hundred other things. You are standing there and making a joke. The jokes are all around us and we grasp at them as though they are air to our lungs the humour belongs to us in a way it didn't for them. Those people are all around us and nowhere to be found. I am holding the hairbrush as a sign I am back to those days making dance routines up in my bedroom and you were on the other side standing on one leg being stubborn as always. It makes me laugh we knew we were together all along even when we were back then as children. The younger versions of ourselves knew this long before we did. The union brings us peace and can be found in nothing else. The coat hanger is left alone and is the last one left hanging in that old wardrob

The moments of our lives

There is something blocking the way. I have felt it many times and so have you. These thoughts come thick and fast as though we are on a train speeding across the Siberian desert with our arms waving around at no one. And we realise we were made for this. I am alone in a crowded room and you are on the other side. I can see you through the film that covers my face but its blurry as though you are in a dream and I am not. We are on the opposite sides of the truth and that familiar feeling comes a long again and I can see that we are free again. I see you in my dreams but can no longer reach and touch you until the moments come and you return again. The camera frames your face in a way that makes sense and I am capturing the moments of our lives like never before. We wake and smile that we are both here together in the same place where we belong.

Whispering in the dark

In the way we know how. The pile of books are stacking up and you know better than I do that this is just way things have to be. It would be impossible to change the things that make us who we are. I never want to make you have to change in order for this to work in a way where the trees have said goodbye to us all. The magnets on the fridge are silly somehow, so many moments that others would miss is what makes us who we are. The feeling goes beyond anything we have ever known and I am holding you the way I do. The leaves are gold and painted all over the place. We see signs in the places we find ourselves in. We are running towards it all, without a care in the world.We are whispering in the dark as though its a secret somehow we know all the truths there are to be told. Hold my hand and lets delve a little deeper, in the way we like.

A house that no one wants to live in

They look at me and it feels like being in a house that no one wants to live in. Everything is all over the floor even the fish are out of the tank, flapping away and taking their last breath. You know better than anyone the mess makes it all stop. The things that work have ceased to exist as we are living in a story in our own minds. People are singing in the old abandoned church around the corner or is it coroner and I can hear them and wish I was part of what they are doing some how. I can hear the songs from my childhood memories where you were there and but also not, we have met many times and this is just another time we come together. This lifetime is another chance for us to hold each other and sleep soundly holding everything tightly in our hearts and lightly in our hands. Will you be there when things are different?

Taking away a part of me I don’t want to give

This life is an interesting ride. Full of things and also nothing at the same time. So many things are trying to take away a part of me I don’t want to give. In the past you would have easily taken it all and I would have turned a blind eye and pretended I didn't notice or distract myself with the bird that is beautiful that perches on your window. But these days I am certain and unwilling to give that which is not yours to take. I smile secretly all the same knowing this is what I always wanted. I feel like myself again. The mud that covered every inch of your skin has disappeared along with everything that didn’t make sense. I look out into the space in front of my feet and yours are pointing in the same direction as usual wearing odd socks and my favourite shoes. The tin that was overflowing with all the things we tried to hide opened up a way for us both.

We will get there in time

I am sifting through all that is before us and it touches everything and nothing at the same time. You are there, you have always been part of me. We re-meet after all this time, life times have seen us together in the way you can not even begin to understand. The breeze is caressing my face and I want you again. I can't get enough. I just want to be near you and feel like home again, that familiar feeling of the way you look at me and I know we have been this way before. The song is playing in the distant and we crank up the volume and let the sounds embody all that we know is true but not. You are sitting on the edge and I pull you close.  I have your back and you have mine in a way that is different somehow. We smile as we know that this is not like hanging your washing on the line like everyone else. These moments come thick, fast and naturally as though we were making a cup of tea for a garden of people all waiting for us to say the words which is underneath everyone's bre

The moment before it begins

There are a few things left unsaid and it’s kind of funny somehow. We saved them, ready for next time. There is always something to say and there is always a next time. That's what I like about this. The seasons looks good on you. You wear it with ease, the atmosphere around you is deafening and you just take it in your stride. There are some who can not be the way you are. I feel that this was always going to happen. A deep sense of knowing, like the truth is difficult to hide especially in the finer moments. The carpet is full with all the things everyone else has tried to hide and stuffed underneath in a last minute attempt to hide all that is true. We don't need to hide. That's what I like the most. The realness brings a sense of freedom like eating strawberries in winter which may seem strange buts its our way of knowing. Explanations are not needed here. The fridge is working normally now as though it was waiting for you. Dust is settling, carry on coming back to me i

In front of us all along

I am living in a dream that looks and appears to you as though it is not one. But secretly you will come to find just like me that this is all we ever had. The moments that are between us are rich and varied just how I like. I breath in the softness that surrounds you and always feel at home. It is calm and safe just like that day when I was younger and knew that this world was made for me. Another world another space exists. We both knew it back then when we were in different places, in the same one somehow. The trees in the forest covered us from view and the people were calling to us over and over. They thought we were lost but as we both know we have never been lost just blind to what was in front of us all along.

Swimming on the floor

I feel like I am floating and everyone else around me are like petals in the wind. This has happened in the moment before when you left me and whispered all of your secrets into the distance. These are the times and days in which we have everything and nothing all at once. Our lives are intertwined and the water is dripping through the ceiling and you are swimming on the floor. It appears odd but makes sense all the same. It always makes sense to me, the things you do are speaking in a language we both understand and is above the streets where no one knows your name. We hang our washing on the line and watch as it blows in the breeze. My favourite is the jumper you have had for years, there is a hole in the sleeve but we know this is part of what our lives are made up of and it needs to remain this way for all of time. The colour looks good on you as do most things. I watch you as the children are laughing at a joke you made and I take a photo in my mind to capture the moment of our li

The pieces of our lives

Something is knocking on my window again like a sign you are thinking of me. Music is playing softly in the background and I am feeling everything all at once. The rug is bursting at the seems trying to hide all of the truth no body wants to know. They all can see but are closing one eye and trying not to look out of the other in a desperate last attempt to pretend it is not happening. It is like a magic carpet that is constantly moving from underneath our feet. It is happening all around us. Time doesn't stop for us. But its like being in a dream with you, everything is real but other worldly like how I always wanted it to be. Smiling is something I am doing more often. The tap is leaking again, that same one. The one you have fixed for the millionth time, it's funny somehow that you never seem to get mad like the others. It's like a weekly occurrence that we both seem to enjoy the mundane tasks that make up the pieces of our lives. Fix the tap again and come running into

We are free

No matter how long it’s been things just carry on without you. Everything looks the same but its the feeling that different. Like it was dream and it was someone else's life, not mine. Now I am back but there is a film covering everything. Maybe it could be a way to protect myself from you, from it all. Or maybe its just different now as, I moved to another place in more ways than one. I know the universe has my back and if I stumble across your path then so be it. I know it is what we always wanted it to be. The ghosts from the past are floating away from us now and we are free.

Everything changes

There is a sense of calm in the room when ever you are around. The way you see the world is so incredibly appealing. We have similar minds and you are the one scratching away the surface to make sure you see the depths of where this could go. Most only go so far then give up half way. The obstacles are clinging onto you, begging you to stop. But you know better than them. It’s a secret that only a few know and we are happy to share if only they will listen. But nobody is listening, too busy choosing a different way of life, distracting themselves underneath the water. It covers their faces like a barrier and you can not reach them, no one can. My barriers are disappearing and the cracks are showing up in the pavement and then everything changes, even that old mirror we thought never would.

Scratching away the pieces bit by bit

You are looking and searching for things in all the wrong places. Some would call it barking up the wrong tree. But you my darling are in the wrong forest. I can see it all clearly mapped out and I am scratching away the pieces bit by bit. The feeling is in my head but also my heart. The strangers on the bridge are a reminder of the possibility of all things. Honesty is something we are both scared of. I’m passing by and you will never know I’m just around the corner. I’m not sure you will want me anymore but I wait secretly in hope. I lost a shoe in a way that seems ridiculous and I’m searching for it all over again. I think it fell in the water and sank to the bottom. I swim to the bottom and found you there.

Hidden by the water

The time have gone by in a instance and we are here again. I can't quite see through the mist, a branch is in the way as usual. The same things on repeat like a broken record that you refused to stop playing. She is growing older each day and I know you miss her since you are not around to see the moments we capture underneath hidden by the water. Its okay, I know I'm okay, as for you my darling well you are responsible for when you choose to return to us. The candle is still lit in the back room of our house in case this has the power to control everything. I am standing one foot in and one foot out as usual, you know me well. Smiling because you wouldn't have it any other way. We are getting older and she looks more like you as the days more forward to the ones we always wanted.

Things will make it back to how they were

Polaroids of the others are scattered all over the ground. The bed is messy the way we like it. In my dreams you visit me and are whispering all the things you don't tell anyone else. I want to tell you all the things I can't tell anyone else. You are always there longing to reach out with your ear pressed up against the wall but you don't. I'm not sure why, things changed and so did you. An imaginary cut like those giant ribbons that celebrate the opening on new things. I see this is what happened. Its okay, it always is because I know I am still here reaching out to you in our dreams where we meet every time in that same space next to that old wooden box. The one we scratched our names into the back. Some things can not be forgotten no matter how far along the line we go. The water is inviting us in again and we cover ourselves with the water and laugh. We are always laughing in my dreams. Keep smiling things will make it back to how they were. Never worry my darling,

I hope it never stops

If the distance and the blink of an eye became the same thing. If the leaves crunched underneath her feet. If he looked the other way. If your eyes found mine across the room. We would never look away. It became something from nothing in the way you would expect or least expect. it matters less and less and more and more. Nothing makes sense but you have my back. I know it to be true always. I count on you to return once again like those petals from the first moments. They have remained in ways that comfort us. The neckline was always getting higher even with the zip that got stuck half way up. The memories caress the inside of my dreams like the way soft feathers kiss the breeze. Your voice is what I was always wishing for and only knew it was the right one once I heard it. I hope it never stops...

Under the sink

​ It is cold in here. Lying next to a fridge does that to you. You feel the cold in your bones. My bones are breaking from the lack of it all. You have never been really here. This pieces my heart like a sharp knife, not the one you are thinking of but the one that is hiding under the kitchen sink, it fell down there a long time ago and no would could be bothered to rescue it. Its like us, we stopped. The care and attention we gave to it has ceased to be a joint effort. A long time has past and I can feel the ridges in my side thinking of the way we used to be. Better days have arrived but yet something remains and keeps me coming back to that knife under the sink. 

Echos of times gone by

There is a lot of things to mention but I will keep it short. For you and I both know we love the details but like to focus in on the things that ring truth for us both. I am dreaming of you often in way that is different than before. I know you are on the way and you are getting bigger each day and you are the thing that is ours and no one else can take you away from us. This is something I really like. I can hear the echos of times gone by and know I'm different this time. I will no longer let you down as I have in so many ways in the past. Your name is special and I write it everywhere just in case everyone else missed what I see in you. The memory remains always