The dust settles in my mind

One of my legs is hanging off. I'm not sure how it got to this but we are here. We are here and you are hiding around the back like you always do. I'm not sure why you do it but its a habit that you started way back when we were kids and now its something I don't notice so much or think is strange. In fact its one of the things I like about you the most. We are hiding out and you are calling my name, not my real one but the nickname you gave to me that year when all the trees and plants died in our garden. No one knows about our secrets. No one knows about the things we do and I like it that way. Lets take all our clothes off and run into the water. First I want to dip my toe in and then we will dive right in. I'm holding your hand underneath the water like I always do. I said I was sorry about yesterday but you can't hear me any more. You've swam too far away and now a storm is coming. I'm scared I will not be able to reach you any more. Come back to me. C...

The realisations comes thick and fast. No what am I saying? In fact they come slowly and softly more like a mother whispering a lullaby to her new baby rather than a toddler stamping his feet. They keep coming and it's only now I've taken the time to stop they are telling me what I've needed to hear for years. It's okay. It's actually okay I'm not scared any more. Who am I to judge the things that happened in times gone by. I can still run through the trees with my hair around my shoulders blowing in the wind I can still speak with you on Sundays and hold your hand under the blankets. We can still speak Japanese and pretend we don't hear them. I can still drink my cup of tea and pretend I'm the Queen. I can eat my breakfast in front of them all and no one even notices that it's me. Yes the one who used to hide and never seek for this way of life. I'm half way over the fence and I'm enjoying the feeling. Knowing you are on the other side pati...

Trust is not something can comes easily. It comes and goes in waves. The waves are getting bigger these days. I'm not sure if its you or if its me thats changed. Maybe a combination of the two. But I don't seem to put a stop to it these days. I taste a hint of familiarity. My people they cry, my people are calling out for me and I'm just out of reach these days. My fingers skim the surface and I want to touch those familiar faces the ones with the wrinkles. They come out more when you are laughing. But these days you laugh less and less. Your voice sounds different to what it was before. Its like its still you but somehow its not. You look the same. Age has been good to you but you are not the same and neither am I. And that's okay. Things change, people change and I'm happy with that. Lets go they said, let go and see what happens. The dust is wiped away and all that is left is memories of you. They fade as time goes by. Everything fades as things go by but the ...

It happened straight away. It was sudden and a bit of a shock. They cut half of me away and left me with the rest. No one else seems to think it's a big deal I'm walking around and no one seems to notice. My heart is in a box and I'm missing parts of me I can no longer reach. I can feel and sense the memory of them whispering in the distance. The wind blows around my ears and they try to tell me something. But it's no use they are gone and I am sad. Half of me is missing.

It's the feelings again. They come back every now again and they take over. Its beyond reason and I know its hard for you to understand But what can I say? Its the feelings again. I've always been this way. I change and they come back. I stay they same and they are with me hiding in my pockets and up my sleeves. Its like when I turn the taps off and its keep dripping out and then its turning red and its everywhere. All over the bathroom floor like and you would have thought it would never disappear. I love the colour red. Its just well you know, how can I say? What I mean is, it just gives me that feeling. You know the one. Yes. That one. Yes its the feeling again, written all over the floor I want to write all over your walls and never come back. But I always end up back here with one shoe missing and the other broken. I lost my laces somewhere along the way. Everything passes by in a blur like when I was inside that balloon. Why do they always take over and cover my ears so...

I didn't hear what you said. It all came out as a blur. I could see your lips moving but the sounds did not reach my ears until years later. Call me stupid but I don't get it. I just simply do not understand. My feet are sore from all the walking. I lost my shoes an hour ago and wish I was home with you. The land is dry like the sadness that is no longer with me. Its on a one way ticket to some place else where it can't find me anymore. I hope it doesn't find its way to you like a leech that refuses to budge. Run with me into the water. Lets find that place and never emerge. Then it hit me you were right all along.