The dust settles in my mind

No matter how long it’s been things just carry on without you. Everything looks the same but its the feeling that different. Like it was dream and it was someone else's life, not mine. Now I am back but there is a film covering everything. Maybe it could be a way to protect myself from you, from it all. Or maybe its just different now as, I moved to another place in more ways than one. I know the universe has my back and if I stumble across your path then so be it. I know it is what we always wanted it to be. The ghosts from the past are floating away from us now and we are free.

There is a sense of calm in the room when ever you are around. The way you see the world is so incredibly appealing. We have similar minds and you are the one scratching away the surface to make sure you see the depths of where this could go. Most only go so far then give up half way. The obstacles are clinging onto you, begging you to stop. But you know better than them. It’s a secret that only a few know and we are happy to share if only they will listen. But nobody is listening, too busy choosing a different way of life, distracting themselves underneath the water. It covers their faces like a barrier and you can not reach them, no one can. My barriers are disappearing and the cracks are showing up in the pavement and then everything changes, even that old mirror we thought never would.

You are looking and searching for things in all the wrong places. Some would call it barking up the wrong tree. But you my darling are in the wrong forest. I can see it all clearly mapped out and I am scratching away the pieces bit by bit. The feeling is in my head but also my heart. The strangers on the bridge are a reminder of the possibility of all things. Honesty is something we are both scared of. I’m passing by and you will never know I’m just around the corner. I’m not sure you will want me anymore but I wait secretly in hope. I lost a shoe in a way that seems ridiculous and I’m searching for it all over again. I think it fell in the water and sank to the bottom. I swim to the bottom and found you there.

The time have gone by in a instance and we are here again. I can't quite see through the mist, a branch is in the way as usual. The same things on repeat like a broken record that you refused to stop playing. She is growing older each day and I know you miss her since you are not around to see the moments we capture underneath hidden by the water. Its okay, I know I'm okay, as for you my darling well you are responsible for when you choose to return to us. The candle is still lit in the back room of our house in case this has the power to control everything. I am standing one foot in and one foot out as usual, you know me well. Smiling because you wouldn't have it any other way. We are getting older and she looks more like you as the days more forward to the ones we always wanted.

Polaroids of the others are scattered all over the ground. The bed is messy the way we like it. In my dreams you visit me and are whispering all the things you don't tell anyone else. I want to tell you all the things I can't tell anyone else. You are always there longing to reach out with your ear pressed up against the wall but you don't. I'm not sure why, things changed and so did you. An imaginary cut like those giant ribbons that celebrate the opening on new things. I see this is what happened. Its okay, it always is because I know I am still here reaching out to you in our dreams where we meet every time in that same space next to that old wooden box. The one we scratched our names into the back. Some things can not be forgotten no matter how far along the line we go. The water is inviting us in again and we cover ourselves with the water and laugh. We are always laughing in my dreams. Keep smiling things will make it back to how they were. Never worry my darling,...

If the distance and the blink of an eye became the same thing. If the leaves crunched underneath her feet. If he looked the other way. If your eyes found mine across the room. We would never look away. It became something from nothing in the way you would expect or least expect. it matters less and less and more and more. Nothing makes sense but you have my back. I know it to be true always. I count on you to return once again like those petals from the first moments. They have remained in ways that comfort us. The neckline was always getting higher even with the zip that got stuck half way up. The memories caress the inside of my dreams like the way soft feathers kiss the breeze. Your voice is what I was always wishing for and only knew it was the right one once I heard it. I hope it never stops...

​ It is cold in here. Lying next to a fridge does that to you. You feel the cold in your bones. My bones are breaking from the lack of it all. You have never been really here. This pieces my heart like a sharp knife, not the one you are thinking of but the one that is hiding under the kitchen sink, it fell down there a long time ago and no would could be bothered to rescue it. Its like us, we stopped. The care and attention we gave to it has ceased to be a joint effort. A long time has past and I can feel the ridges in my side thinking of the way we used to be. Better days have arrived but yet something remains and keeps me coming back to that knife under the sink.