The dust settles in my mind

I'm holding on with my little finger in a last ditch attempt to see if it fits. Some things are necessary to let go, refresh and start again. The plants are in every inch of our house now and its important to me somehow to acknowledge how things have changed. A sense of peace washes over us each time we see the truth. Its always there if we take the time to look for it. My eyes are seeing things as though for the first time again and I thank you in my dreams. My heart is always there waiting for you patiently. When you are ready you take a last glance and jump right in. I can't help smiling as you are looking my way again and we sink deeper into the truth that is all around us. I'm falling and so are you. Circles follow us and are here with me now.

Things are wasted if we let them go by without learning the lesson we have been waiting years to learn. You have found this out the hard way and I feel for you. I hold your hand in the way only we know how. It only works one way. I like this about you and few hundred other things. You are standing there and making a joke. The jokes are all around us and we grasp at them as though they are air to our lungs the humour belongs to us in a way it didn't for them. Those people are all around us and nowhere to be found. I am holding the hairbrush as a sign I am back to those days making dance routines up in my bedroom and you were on the other side standing on one leg being stubborn as always. It makes me laugh we knew we were together all along even when we were back then as children. The younger versions of ourselves knew this long before we did. The union brings us peace and can be found in nothing else. The coat hanger is left alone and is the last one left hanging in that old wardrob...

There is something blocking the way. I have felt it many times and so have you. These thoughts come thick and fast as though we are on a train speeding across the Siberian desert with our arms waving around at no one. And we realise we were made for this. I am alone in a crowded room and you are on the other side. I can see you through the film that covers my face but its blurry as though you are in a dream and I am not. We are on the opposite sides of the truth and that familiar feeling comes a long again and I can see that we are free again. I see you in my dreams but can no longer reach and touch you until the moments come and you return again. The camera frames your face in a way that makes sense and I am capturing the moments of our lives like never before. We wake and smile that we are both here together in the same place where we belong.

In the way we know how. The pile of books are stacking up and you know better than I do that this is just way things have to be. It would be impossible to change the things that make us who we are. I never want to make you have to change in order for this to work in a way where the trees have said goodbye to us all. The magnets on the fridge are silly somehow, so many moments that others would miss is what makes us who we are. The feeling goes beyond anything we have ever known and I am holding you the way I do. The leaves are gold and painted all over the place. We see signs in the places we find ourselves in. We are running towards it all, without a care in the world.We are whispering in the dark as though its a secret somehow we know all the truths there are to be told. Hold my hand and lets delve a little deeper, in the way we like.

They look at me and it feels like being in a house that no one wants to live in. Everything is all over the floor even the fish are out of the tank, flapping away and taking their last breath. You know better than anyone the mess makes it all stop. The things that work have ceased to exist as we are living in a story in our own minds. People are singing in the old abandoned church around the corner or is it coroner and I can hear them and wish I was part of what they are doing some how. I can hear the songs from my childhood memories where you were there and but also not, we have met many times and this is just another time we come together. This lifetime is another chance for us to hold each other and sleep soundly holding everything tightly in our hearts and lightly in our hands. Will you be there when things are different?

This life is an interesting ride. Full of things and also nothing at the same time. So many things are trying to take away a part of me I don’t want to give. In the past you would have easily taken it all and I would have turned a blind eye and pretended I didn't notice or distract myself with the bird that is beautiful that perches on your window. But these days I am certain and unwilling to give that which is not yours to take. I smile secretly all the same knowing this is what I always wanted. I feel like myself again. The mud that covered every inch of your skin has disappeared along with everything that didn’t make sense. I look out into the space in front of my feet and yours are pointing in the same direction as usual wearing odd socks and my favourite shoes. The tin that was overflowing with all the things we tried to hide opened up a way for us both.

I am sifting through all that is before us and it touches everything and nothing at the same time. You are there, you have always been part of me. We re-meet after all this time, life times have seen us together in the way you can not even begin to understand. The breeze is caressing my face and I want you again. I can't get enough. I just want to be near you and feel like home again, that familiar feeling of the way you look at me and I know we have been this way before. The song is playing in the distant and we crank up the volume and let the sounds embody all that we know is true but not. You are sitting on the edge and I pull you close.  I have your back and you have mine in a way that is different somehow. We smile as we know that this is not like hanging your washing on the line like everyone else. These moments come thick, fast and naturally as though we were making a cup of tea for a garden of people all waiting for us to say the words which is underneath everyone's bre...