Imaginary Monsters

When they cut half of me away. It felt like the right thing to do. I was reluctant at first but then I let go. I gave in somehow. It was necessary. It was what I knew deep down the thing to do. The right thing. To give me some space away from it all. To see things how they really are rather than constantly distracting myself. You know its actually easily done. My mind is like a secret warrior trying to fight it all. Fight those imaginary monsters under my bed the ones I thought were there when I was 5. They are important to me less so now.

Right or wrong its just the way it is. My jaw is tense from all the fighting. I fight,  I kick and I scream  just not in the way one would think but hidden in my dreams. Its hidden away and you can't see it. No one can. Well I say no one, the ones that matter the most can see it as though it  was placed upon a giant billboard with flashing neon lights advertising my deepest darkest secrets. But that's okay. I don't mind letting them see.

My heart is breaking in places I did not know it could. And you are holding me so I don't fall like the moment before sleep creeps in. I don't want to fall asleep and miss my life. I want to be here with you, with it all. Even if it's just washing our clothes, making tea or watching that programme that we don't admit to anyone because it's silly somehow. We don't tell others these things because it's not for them. Its ours and only ours to keep. We save them in that tiny box at the back of the wardrobe.

I run around the block to see if I'm still up to it. There are no warm ups in life. I'm here. Where are you?